secrets

There are so many secrets in this world! And when i keep in secrets in my head, i feel like i have a burden.
whatever thats supposed to mean. i think what i mean to say is i dont like secrets. So, whenever i have a secret, i'm going to write it here....
1) I think about sex a lot, and too often. I'll think about it at the most random times. I dont actually have sex, i just think about it.
2) I played with dolls till i was in the 5th grade, embarrasing i know. But thats what you get for having 2 younger sisters and thats all they will do with you.
3) My dad cheated on my mom with many other women.
4) I've never kissed a boy before. (i've only been kissed)
5) I used to want to be a model, which is stupid, i know that now! lol!
6) I wish i had a cute stalker (like my friend jessica does)
7) I really want to go to a guy friend's house so i could play with them, i think it would be more fun than playing at a girls house

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so pissed w/ my mom! She says, Stay at your grandmas house so i can get to work faster in the morning! (since she drives me to school before she goes to work), and so i say, FINE! 'cause i hate staying the night at my grandma's. And guess what happened after that? She took my backpack w/ her to my house, so then i couldn't do any of my homework (which was due the next day)! ITS POOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry

I'm sorry kurt and tyler, i didnt mean to cause any problems. You dont look at porn, and i only said that, cause thats what i heard about you. I also was very confused, frustrated, and mad, and when i am like that, i write down stupid stuff! k?

My new bf

I feel really bad for my new bf, i mean his last name is Woody. Thats probably the worst name ever! Having your last name be another name for a boner? Thats pretty bad. Although i think its kinda cute in a way. Ben is cute.
I also feel bad for him because he likes me, but he doesnt know how to flirt, i mean he does not flirt, at all.

i think something is wrong with me, how can someone not have a crush last more than a week? I guess i'm not mature enough, although i've gone through puberty, and i've already had my first period! Maybe my body's ahead of my brain in maturity? i think that may be it.

The sick minds of some people

OH MY GOD!!!!! i was just casually walking to my computer, and when i got on there, there were all of these porn pop-ups! Like 10 of 'em too! They were so disgusting!! I didnt know people could actually put pictures like that online! Thats horrible! And you're probably thinking, oh, its probably just a picture of this girl naked or something. BUT IT WASN'T, THERE WAS MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!!
There were pictures of guys sucking on girl's tits, and there was this girl sucking on this guys penis, and you could see all of the sperm on her face! And thats not all, there was a picture of a totally naked girl with a penis! A she-man! And there was a girl and a guy having anal sex, and a picture of a girl with guy's penis's all over her head! You name it, it was there! And they really showed real penis's and boobs!
Once i saw all of those pictures, my heart started to beat really fast, and i thought i was going to throw up! I had never really seen a picture of a real penis before, and seeing all of those, was just a tad bit SICKENING!!!!!!!!! I'm just a poor, innocent, 13 year old, should i really have seen that? No! i should not have! I'm probably scarred for life now.
I HATE SPAM!!!!!!! AND ESPECIALLY PORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE SICK MINDED BASTURDS!!!!!!!!!!
this is totally off subject, but the person i would tell all of this kind of stuff too, i can't anymore, and i'm really sad about it. I guess he got a gf now, and so he doesn't have time to have sick, gross, conversations anymore with me. :'(
Its truly sad.

So many questions, and no answers!

Why is life so confusing? Why are boys so confusing? Why do people think i'm on crack? Am I a loner? Why do I not fit in? Why is it that the "cool" people are always a pain in the ass? Is it harder being the oldest, middle, or younger child? How did people begin to think that God created this world (I'm not saying i dont believe in God)? How did my least favorite teacher become the teacher i see the most at school? Why am i so messed up? How did everyone become so greedy and money-obsessed? What has this world come to?

Beginning blogging

I've decided to start blogging, i think it will be a good way to express myself and my feelings. Lol! I know i sound like an "emo", but thats how i feel. My friend Tori started blogging, and i think it looks like fun! lol! She inspired me! Although she talked about how my friends kurt and jacob had no feelings, and how inconsiderate they were. Oh well, if thats what made her feel better, ok then. I like how I can say anything and let out what's inside my head, it kind of makes me feel better. I think blogging clears my emotional clutter inside my head. Or maybe i'm just going crazy. Would going crazy be fun? I wonder.... i think it would! lol! Anyways, well, thats pretty much it for right now! I'll have to start my homework sooner or later. ( :