clothes

it would be so badass if i made my own clothes. yesterday i sewed a bag using a pattern from burdastyle.com, and now im working on making a skirt (with another pattern from burdastyle.com) its most likely going to turn out like crap, but im gonna wear it anyways!!! because im so badass!



haha im just kidding.


i couldn't be badass if i drank 10 beers in less than an hour.

i was just wondering...

i think that guy from the trojan commercial is hot. does that make me slutty?

i guess

i guess im the type of person who would want "presumptuous cranberries" to be the name of my band. just becuase i love the word presumptuous and i love cranberry juice.

by the way i finished A Wind In The Door by Madeliene L'Engle (or whatever her name is) and that book really really made me think. all of L'Engle's books make me think. you should read that book. just because i said it made me think.

i deleted my myspace a long time ago, now i have all this free time on my hands. its kind of a weird feeling having time to do things, so i've been cleaning constantly, which is so not like me. mom and sano dont know whats gotten into me. (and yes i know "gotten" isn't a word, oh well) i guess i was just doing it because i could.

just because.

when will it end?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! STILL SICK AND SO FUCKING BORED!!!!

still

sick.

pain.

depression.

MICHAEL.

are you upset with me?


and if so, why?

sick

cough, headache, period, homework, blah.

actually,

i attempted at putting advertisements up.

i added

some advertisements for the fun of it ;].

fuck [i think im pms'ing]

everything i do is wrong wrong wrong.


i miss nathan jarvis.
i miss not disappointing everyone.
i miss hiding,
i miss being alone.
i miss missing.


i forgot what it felt like to be so miserable.
mom and mally are sick, so the house is chaos chaos chaos.

what do i miss? do i miss nothing? do i forget?



what do i even want?

all i know is what i dont.



1 good thing today:
katie made a new nickname for me: piss face lol, she has no clue how much that made my day ; )

ahhhhhh

my mom pretty much thinks she's been reborn,

so im into an ass load of trouble.


and i miss talking to nathan & dylan on myspace, and giving people photo comments.

;[

shit

my laptop's currently running out of battery [8 minutes left]

i dont want to go to school for oh so many reasons, but i know i have to.

im pretty much on top of things, except for one science paper i forgot at school [im such a dumbass].

no more myspace since yesterday.

more blogger [except not too much].

michael cera

really is the hottest man alive.

i can foresee the future.

the jocks walk by you in the halls,
they dont care about anything else but themselves.

adrenaline shoots through your body as you start to tremble,
the cliques and nervousness is nausiating.

all you want is to go back to safety,
in your room writing while listening to your favorite songs.

DING DING the bell rings its time for class and you're late,
dread creeps through your body as you walk into a silent classroom,

all eyes are on you,

a few giggle at the blushing face you now wear.

humilliation always seems to find you,

after all,

this is high school.

i deleted it from my list of addictions.

im so fucking angry with myself.

how could i let it come to this?
how could i do this to myself?

ruining my life, ruining my chances in life.

i get addicted too easily.

now my grades have lowered from my lack of attention to them.

especially science, the class i cared most for. and now im in a critical situation. i could be kicked out of AP science. this is serious, so deadly serious. i would absolutely DIE if i had to go to standard 8th grade science.

i haven't felt sick like this for so long.



i feel like im going to throw up.




lord help me.



I, marissa chandler, will from now on, do my very best in school, i will not be distracted from anything [unless i have an excuse], and i absolutely will NOT have a boyfriend. period.



the end.

long ago

when i was little


i saw angels.

i wonder

who is victim?



-marissa

fuck [i sound like nathan]

i dont know why so dont ask me.


i'm single.


hate having a boyfriend.


i think pothead likes me.


i would never date him.


my stomach hurts from feeling sorry for callum.

i should not have said anything.

at all.


then i hit katie in the arm [joking around]


but she was upset.


i have to be careful.


even if i dont mean to be a bitch.


i want to be an artist.


paint in free will.

i like the number 8.


i wish i could just say everything on my mind all the time.


goodnight, goodnight.

happy new year everyone!

sorry i haven't posted for FOREVER! i've been really bad about that. i haven't even had time to write in my journal! the holidays are so freaking chaotic! so stressful too!


i haven't had one whole day to spend in peace. everything has been rush rush rush!


anyways happy new year to all! ;]