he doesn't listen.

can he hear me? is that the problem or something? do i have an invisible voice? i think he's just dumb in the head. even if he knows i dont love him, he still has to love me. he doesn't have the right to not love me. he just doesn't. and he knows it too. he's bought lorrie a ring too. the wedding will be on the 4th or 8th of august. that week is going to be hectic already with mom's birthday being on the 7th. i dont want to go to his wedding. i could be doing nothing instead (and be happy). but no, i HAVE to go to his stupid wedding. and anyone whould not want to go to his house. its boring as HELL. but since i always back-out he claims michael and amanda think that i dont like them. who fucking cares? its not like i talk to them when im there. i just dont matter or am of any importance there. and i honostly dont want to be either. i dont want to be part of their family. period. everytime i talk to tim i feel like bursting into tears. he exausts my soul and my mind. i cant even talk to him at all because he exausts me THAT much. i might say things that are a bit too presumptuous, or have rebelious antics. but i really am a good person. i prove it if you watch me closely. and people think that i give dirty looks or stare at them. but its really just me not smiling or when i stare, its me soaking up the moment or that persons face into my brain. i want to remember everything and i want to remember people's faces. god i feel sick to my stomach right now. everything i eat is making me feel sick. i dont know why tambíen. im getting better at spanish though. oh shoot. i still have homework. i hate homework, its that it takes a long time or is exceedingly hard, it just means that i have to do something. i dont love doing nothing, im just so addicted. i want to stop being lazy, but its like trying to cease smoking after 20 years. it takes willpower which i just dont have. i think its a hereditary trait. or maybe you earn it? i really dont know. my birthday party WILL be fun. watch me.