Thursday, August 30, 2007
lonely on blogger, where is everybody?
My friends appeared to have deserted blogger (and me along with it), i think they've replaced blogger with windows live spaces (yuck!), even if windows live is pretty cool in some ways (this is VERY hard for me to admit) i wont ever switch to it. Blogger will always be the blogspot for me (until i find somewhere else i like better). I think it would be even cooler if i had my own website and made my own blog. That would defs be the coolest thing ever. I wonder how i would do it though? hmmm.... the possibilities are endless...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
that little girl i met at that one park that was so adorable i had to take a picture of her
(see title for description)lol!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Everybody Hurts
I'M READING EVERYBODY HURTS, AND THAT BOOK IS SO GOOD! I THINK I FINALLY UNDERSTAND EMOS NOW! HAHAHAH! I HAVE EMO KNOWLEDGE!
neutral
Sometimes i feel so emotionless, i'm like stuck in neutral (like in adam sandler in click), its a really weird feeling. I'm like here but not all there. That sounds really confusing, but its hard to explain the exact feeling. I guess i feel so much emotion i'm emotionless? But i seem to write the most poems when i feel like that. I just confuse myself sometimes!
when shall the misery end
love is for lonely souls,
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
their life is one big splat,
one needs a purpose,
in this dark, cruel world,
is there no end to the misery?
is love really the answer?
some think not, some think yes,
but i dont really like to think at all,
yeah, i dont really like to think at all,
i've been wanting love,
just don't know how to get it,
too much of an outcast,
thats what they all think,
too wrapped up in their worlds,
to really care,
love is for lonely souls,
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
their life is one big splat,
one monstrous blur,
standing still in a rush,
the end's not anywhere near,
i'll never be clear on life,
love is for lonely souls,
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
my life's just a splat,
only a blur,
in this god for saken world
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
their life is one big splat,
one needs a purpose,
in this dark, cruel world,
is there no end to the misery?
is love really the answer?
some think not, some think yes,
but i dont really like to think at all,
yeah, i dont really like to think at all,
i've been wanting love,
just don't know how to get it,
too much of an outcast,
thats what they all think,
too wrapped up in their worlds,
to really care,
love is for lonely souls,
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
their life is one big splat,
one monstrous blur,
standing still in a rush,
the end's not anywhere near,
i'll never be clear on life,
love is for lonely souls,
with nothing to loose,
there's no turning back,
my life's just a splat,
only a blur,
in this god for saken world
time flys by before we know it
My life's going by before my eyes,
Before I look it'll probably be gone,
I want to awake, but i'm so comfortable in neutral,
Before long I'll be living on hopes and dreams,
That i've thought of in my peaceful slumber,
How can I complain? I'm never at risk,
Always safe, protected by my predictions,
Sometimes i feel i have no one but myself,
Everyone's around me rushing and in a hurry,
I hate that, 'cause i believe there should be no worries
And i catch myself correcting my faults,
I've been like that, i know i have,
But right now i just dont care
Before I look it'll probably be gone,
I want to awake, but i'm so comfortable in neutral,
Before long I'll be living on hopes and dreams,
That i've thought of in my peaceful slumber,
How can I complain? I'm never at risk,
Always safe, protected by my predictions,
Sometimes i feel i have no one but myself,
Everyone's around me rushing and in a hurry,
I hate that, 'cause i believe there should be no worries
And i catch myself correcting my faults,
I've been like that, i know i have,
But right now i just dont care
quoted by whoever thought of it
"Love is for lonely fools"
"My life's a book with chapters of differen't emotions"
"The purpose of life is whatever you make it to be"
"My heart is bleeding, but only mentally"
"When life gives you rotten lemons, dont eat them, just throw 'em out!"
"Don't give just to make yourself feel good, give for the art of not being selfish"
"Don't think of it as the end, think of it as the beginning"
"My life's a book with chapters of differen't emotions"
"The purpose of life is whatever you make it to be"
"My heart is bleeding, but only mentally"
"When life gives you rotten lemons, dont eat them, just throw 'em out!"
"Don't give just to make yourself feel good, give for the art of not being selfish"
"Don't think of it as the end, think of it as the beginning"
Monday, August 20, 2007
clothes
i hate it when i find the cutest clothes ever and they are WAY too expensive! Like, i'll fall in love with this sweatshirt, and it'll be $88!!! HOW INSANE IS THAT? it made me so mad! It was by far the most clac sweatshirt around! lol! And it was Lucky Brand, which makes it even cooler. IT WAS A HIPPIE SWEATSHIRT! LOL! I WANT IT SO BAD! HAHAHAHAH!
I was going through my stuff at my dad's house today and i found some of my old clothes from like 5th grade that i totally forgot about! lol! I had a blast from the past! lol! (wow, i'm a dork) hahahahaha! I found one of my shirts that i used to LOVE! and i tried it on, and it still fit! (well, almost, the sleeves were waaaaay too short! lol!)
another thing i hate about clothes is if you think about it, they make you feel like shist/scopatta sometimes! They can make you feel self-conscious, insecure, depressed, and unhappy. For instance, if you have a pair of jeans that you absolutely love and fit you (and look great) they'll make you feel good, right? They'll make you feel confident and crap, but what if a couple months later they dont fit you anymore! Doesn't that just suck? i hate that! and its happened to me so many times! It makes me feel like a fat cow that i cant fit in my jeans anymore! lol!
I think its hilarious how sales people lie to their customers! One time i was trying on these pants, and i came out to see myself in the mirror (to see what i looked like in 'em) and they looked horrrible on me but the lady who was helping me said, "ooooh! those look so good!" in the most fake enthusiastic voice ever! lol! I was like, "thank you!" and when she left i started laughing to myself! lol! I think thats great!
My favorite time of the year to shop is august, when everyone is school shopping! Because mom and tim will pay for all the crap for me, and i dont have to pay for anything! hurray! lol! Cause its all stuff i need! lol!
I was going through my stuff at my dad's house today and i found some of my old clothes from like 5th grade that i totally forgot about! lol! I had a blast from the past! lol! (wow, i'm a dork) hahahahaha! I found one of my shirts that i used to LOVE! and i tried it on, and it still fit! (well, almost, the sleeves were waaaaay too short! lol!)
another thing i hate about clothes is if you think about it, they make you feel like shist/scopatta sometimes! They can make you feel self-conscious, insecure, depressed, and unhappy. For instance, if you have a pair of jeans that you absolutely love and fit you (and look great) they'll make you feel good, right? They'll make you feel confident and crap, but what if a couple months later they dont fit you anymore! Doesn't that just suck? i hate that! and its happened to me so many times! It makes me feel like a fat cow that i cant fit in my jeans anymore! lol!
I think its hilarious how sales people lie to their customers! One time i was trying on these pants, and i came out to see myself in the mirror (to see what i looked like in 'em) and they looked horrrible on me but the lady who was helping me said, "ooooh! those look so good!" in the most fake enthusiastic voice ever! lol! I was like, "thank you!" and when she left i started laughing to myself! lol! I think thats great!
My favorite time of the year to shop is august, when everyone is school shopping! Because mom and tim will pay for all the crap for me, and i dont have to pay for anything! hurray! lol! Cause its all stuff i need! lol!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
untitled
i feel small,
an atom,
helpless?
a little,
I,
so tiny,
compared to,
the miracolous,
and the great,
maybe,
someday,
i will be,
more than a dot,
in this wonderous,
astonishing world
an atom,
helpless?
a little,
I,
so tiny,
compared to,
the miracolous,
and the great,
maybe,
someday,
i will be,
more than a dot,
in this wonderous,
astonishing world
the cabin
a week ago i was up at my family cabin at lake cavanaugh (sp?), and it was so intense! I think the highlight of the most exciting moment was me taking care of this bat that was in the house!
My mammy (grandma) was getting dressed in the laundry room when she noticed something was on the ground, she thought it was a leaf at first, so when she bent down to pick it up (to throw it away) she realized it was a bat! *I wasn't there when this happened, but she told me later and i bet she screamed when she found out the "leaf" was a bat!* After that mammy called me over to come to the house (i was on the dock fishing), once i was there i could see she was very startled about something, I asked her what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me all the details so I kind of had to guess what happened, our conversation went something like this...
Mammy: I saw something in the laundry room while i was dressing and it freaked me out
Me: was it a spider?
Mammy shook her head
Me: a mouse?
Mammy shook her head again
Me: a rat?
She shook her head
Me: a raccoon?
Another head shake
Me: small pause, and then i ask if it was a bat
Mammy: yep
She left the laundry door open just a crack so I could see where it was. We weren't sure if it was dead or alive, although it looked like it was dead to me. After all, it was lying on the ground (with its wings tucked in) next to the washing machine. Mammy (in her underwear still) poked it with the end of a broomstick to see if it was dead and it didn't move so obviously it wasn't alive. We then had to get "prepared" to get it out of the house so we put on rubber gloves, grabbed a bunch of paper towels and then we were ready! lol! I opened th edoor and i picked it up with the paper towels all by myself! I felt so brave! My mistake though, was looking at the bottom of the bat's body, it was SQUIRMING WITH MAGGOTS!!!!!!!! IT WAS SO DISGUSTING! i couldn't stop shivering (i was totally spazing out)! Mammy told me to throw it out in the garbage(outside) can, even if i thought it was kind of wrong. i wanted to bury it somewhere. But i did as i was told. I'm still proud of myself, because i felt i did something exciting!
My mammy (grandma) was getting dressed in the laundry room when she noticed something was on the ground, she thought it was a leaf at first, so when she bent down to pick it up (to throw it away) she realized it was a bat! *I wasn't there when this happened, but she told me later and i bet she screamed when she found out the "leaf" was a bat!* After that mammy called me over to come to the house (i was on the dock fishing), once i was there i could see she was very startled about something, I asked her what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me all the details so I kind of had to guess what happened, our conversation went something like this...
Mammy: I saw something in the laundry room while i was dressing and it freaked me out
Me: was it a spider?
Mammy shook her head
Me: a mouse?
Mammy shook her head again
Me: a rat?
She shook her head
Me: a raccoon?
Another head shake
Me: small pause, and then i ask if it was a bat
Mammy: yep
She left the laundry door open just a crack so I could see where it was. We weren't sure if it was dead or alive, although it looked like it was dead to me. After all, it was lying on the ground (with its wings tucked in) next to the washing machine. Mammy (in her underwear still) poked it with the end of a broomstick to see if it was dead and it didn't move so obviously it wasn't alive. We then had to get "prepared" to get it out of the house so we put on rubber gloves, grabbed a bunch of paper towels and then we were ready! lol! I opened th edoor and i picked it up with the paper towels all by myself! I felt so brave! My mistake though, was looking at the bottom of the bat's body, it was SQUIRMING WITH MAGGOTS!!!!!!!! IT WAS SO DISGUSTING! i couldn't stop shivering (i was totally spazing out)! Mammy told me to throw it out in the garbage(outside) can, even if i thought it was kind of wrong. i wanted to bury it somewhere. But i did as i was told. I'm still proud of myself, because i felt i did something exciting!
too young
We think of the things we could've done,
If only we were 21,
Life would be so great,
No more sneaking past that squeaky old gate,
To run off and hide from my pesky parents,
If only we had the cash to find a place to rent,
Baby, you and i could have the life,
Come on honey, bring me to your side,
Hold me tight, lets go for the ride,
The ride of our life
If only we were 21,
Life would be so great,
No more sneaking past that squeaky old gate,
To run off and hide from my pesky parents,
If only we had the cash to find a place to rent,
Baby, you and i could have the life,
Come on honey, bring me to your side,
Hold me tight, lets go for the ride,
The ride of our life
Monday, August 6, 2007
my song
I tried writing a song for the first time, and i think it turned out ok for my first try, but i dont know what other people will think! lol! I'm just worried that it sounds too much like other songs!
You're the littlest of the family,
Always in a mess,
You really dont know what's good for you,
And i have to confess,
I'll never know what its like to be you,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
You always struck me as someone who was happy,
Always there, Always doing what you're told,
But someone who holds it in for too long,
Will soon explode,
I couldn't say exactly what you felt,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
All i can say is i'll be there for you,
I'll take your hand when it gets cold,
Did you honestly think she would be there for you?
Even after she lied and treated you like shit?
I'll never know what it's like to be you,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
You're the littlest of the family,
Always in a mess,
You really dont know what's good for you,
I'll never know what it's like,
I'll never know
You're the littlest of the family,
Always in a mess,
You really dont know what's good for you,
And i have to confess,
I'll never know what its like to be you,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
You always struck me as someone who was happy,
Always there, Always doing what you're told,
But someone who holds it in for too long,
Will soon explode,
I couldn't say exactly what you felt,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
All i can say is i'll be there for you,
I'll take your hand when it gets cold,
Did you honestly think she would be there for you?
Even after she lied and treated you like shit?
I'll never know what it's like to be you,
I'll never know, I'll never know,
You're the littlest of the family,
Always in a mess,
You really dont know what's good for you,
I'll never know what it's like,
I'll never know
Show me
Write me a letter,
Sing me a song,
Show me you love me,
Or be gone,
I can't waste my time,
My life is short,
So prove you love me,
Or i'll abort.
Sing me a song,
Show me you love me,
Or be gone,
I can't waste my time,
My life is short,
So prove you love me,
Or i'll abort.
just a play-date
i went to jacob's house yesterday, and we just hung out. We played video games, bugged alyssa, talked, drove to jamba juice w/ his mom (his mom drove of course), walked around downtown, just the usual. But i hate how when i tell people i went to jacob's house they immediately assume we did crap like kissing, etc, stuff like that. We didn't do any of that at all, we dont even hug. Really! This may sound pretty cheesey, but jacob's like the brother i never had, i know i used to date him, but now that would just be weird if i dated him. Cause now he's just one of my best friends, you know?
So i just wanted to clear that out.
So i just wanted to clear that out.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
social skills
I'm starting to get worried about myself, i think i'm loosing my social skills. It seems like everytime i get on the phone with someone or IM, i have absolutly nothing to talk about! Usually i have so much to say, but lately i have nothing to say at all. My momma says its just because nothing has been going on in my life, and i've been doing nothing. But i dont know if i should worry, or if i should just ignore this phase and get over it. Well i actually do know what i should do, but I'M STILL WORRIED!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TURNING INTO MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!! WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to stop myself, calm down, relax, and forget about all of my stupid worries, so then i can actually enjoy this summer. Ok, i'm feeling a lot better now.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TURNING INTO MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!! WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to stop myself, calm down, relax, and forget about all of my stupid worries, so then i can actually enjoy this summer. Ok, i'm feeling a lot better now.
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