why is my life the piece of shit it is, and why do i feel so lonely?

first day of school was yesterday, and today was the 2nd day of schol (obviously), and both days sucked balls. Im just this new invisible loner girl now. I should think of all the good things about my "situation" but all the bad things are just over-powering it. and i have all this effing homework to do already. is it just me, or am i being tortured for something? is there someone out there who wished this upon me? did i bring this upon myself? i just wish i come out of 8th grade alive, but by the looks of it, i'm not going to survive. i want to run away sooooooo badly. but i'm too pathetic. i'm so pathetic i'm using this leota middle school pencil to rebel against einstein, no one knows about that except me, although somehow it makes me feel a tad better. whatever does make me feel better, i'm gonna do it damn it! lol