now that i really think about it, all of those "boyfriends" i had last year i didn't really have a crush on them. i was so dumb, i only liked them cause they liked me. i was yearning so badly for love to fill up the emptyness i felt, that i forgot what love was. i think thats why i've changed, i know realize what i've done wrong last year. yeah, last year was the best year of my life, but i didn't do it right.
i guess its impossible for me to be silly and serious at the same time. last year i was silly and didn't take things seriously, now i can only be silly with certain people, and i take school more seriously, so i dont screw off at all with other people. i feel trapped and closed in whenever i'm at einstein. its almost as if i feel i cant be myself. i'm shy again, but not in a way i was in elementary. i'm shy, but i have so much experience and knowledge now. its almost as if i have so much thoughts going on in my head that i dont even know where to start to say something to anyone. i'm questioning myself if i need a counselor or something like that. i dont know.
i DO know that i need to stop thinking about all this stuff that worries or troubles me. if i stop thinking about crap, i'll most likely enjoy my life more.
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