five doors

There are five people sleeping in a different room of one house.

the liar has her bedroom door closed so no one sees her sneaking.

the goof has his bedroom door closed so no one can see him rock back and forth.

the married couple shut their bedroom door to argue with each other.

the teenager leaves her door open because she's scared to have it closed.


what can you know?

migraine

stars twinkle in corners of my eyes,

rain drops gently pattering on cemet grounds,

pain shoots through my brain,

thunderbolts crack through the dark sky,

my eyes can't take much more light,

flickering lamps finally give in to the storm.

microsoft narrator

I was doing my homework when I accidently happened to press a series of keys which caused microsoft narrator to pop up on the screen. Now i've never seen or heard of "mircrosoft narrator" before and it seriously freaked me out to hear this deranged male alien robot voice start talking to me out of no where. I found it a tad irritating that microsoft couldn't find a less harsh and more refined voice to use. If I had poor eyesight and wanted to use the computer for whatever reason I wouldn't want to hear that disgusting man tell me what was on the computer screen.

politics

obama vs. mccain

blah blah blah.

Is it really too much to ask for everyone to stop talking about the candidates? (i guess i can't really say much though since I'm writing about them) It's just all of these campaign parties are really getting old. Obama did this, McCain did that, when will it just stop? You can't really do anything without hearing about them somewhere. On the radio, tv, computer, people around you. The part that annoys me most is they aren't really even talking about the stuff that matters. No one wants to hear fluff or you defending yourself. People want to hear what you are going to do to fix the economy!
Although it doesn't even matter, I think we're going to get much worse before we get even the slightest bit better. Especially with both of the candidates.

thankful

it was only benign. and i had already promised her i'd bake her a pie.

fall

watching out my window
i follow the change,
how it moves on
through the days,
weaving within trees
shaking any seeds,
grass knows its glory
bending down to fess,
the people feel it too
i see their dress,
gusts of wind are the signal
the season is anew

fremont

is the freaking shiz.

i went to the sunday market today with mi madre after we left Theo's, and it was super cool. so many different items and people to see, i believe it's impossible not to love it. i have to live in fremont when i'm older. i HAVE to.

james mcavoy

is the sexiest man alive.

jane deserved tom

When I say this, I do not mean it as an insult by any means. but when I finished watching the movie Becoming Jane, i honestly felt like i was going to throw up. Jane loved Tom with all her heart and could have eloped along with him but she didn't. She knew what was right and what was wrong. She left, even if it meant she was going to be the loneliest unmarried woman in the world. I think that's so beautiful. Yes, it makes me want to throw up, but i love it and it makes me so sad. I'm not sure if i love stories (true or fiction) like that or if i loathe them.

jane austen is my true hero.

bitter truth

to tell the truth
i'm angry,
mad about what
i used to be,
what i am now,
and how i dont
do anything,

to tell the truth
i'm lonely,
i could get out,
but i don't,
i stay at home
and mope
"it's them not me"

quote

no matter how quick the task, always defeat knowing you used strategy.

being thankful

I know i take things for granted way more than i should. Therefore, i have thought of a list of a bunch of stuff i am mighty glad i have.

familia
an able body
friends
yards
peanut butter
water + tea
laundry washer + dryer
computer
postage stamps
paper
dictionaries + thesauruses
pens
lighting
tape
planner

terrific

its funny how you can remember the most random things from a single word. i cant remember what i did a week ago but i remember bragging to my dad about how i could spell "terrific" when i was little, so i could get some attention from him. i remember how i thought it was such a big deal i could spell such a big word, and how smug i felt after i recieved praise from both mom and dad.

how do i change this?!

i cant believe it. i'm a fucking bitch.

choking

oh how i wish i had the skill of drinking water.

a most quiet serendipity of thought

stare into my hand,
at every wrinkle
that exists,
who i will become,
in time's limits,

a fist forms,
size: my stomach,
little wonders
that form
my curiosity,

i wait and
ponder once again,
will i look
at this hand,
years from now,

and think the same

the new will always become old.

last minute parties

i'm the queen of them.
would anything last minute be bad? i know being prepared and organized is the way to go. but something about being random and frantic appeals to me. although i cant imagine other people feel the same way when i do that. i try to place myself in other people's shoes. Next time i'm having a par-tay mally's going to be planning it and calling everyone. she's a total control freak, this will be good for her, and she loves doing stuff like that. That way my parties will no longer be last minute.

i wanna be these kids when i grow up

i really want to just...

am i really that horrible of a kid? why cant you just stop getting on my case over everything? you're stressing the fuck out of me. i can't even do anything, say anything, or just be quiet, without you getting all up in my grillz!

when home alone i can....

talk to myself
listen to whatever music i want as loud as i want
watch tv shows I like
do whatever i want to do
eat other peoples' food
be peaceful and quiet

blackstone.

FINE!

i'll admit it.

i miss you like fucking crazy.

and i just can't help it.

uh oh

i thought i was done,
maybe its just
the time of night,
i'm feeling like i did,
and i don't think
its right,
too much emotion
is not good right now,
i'm starting to
feel weak.

out vs. in

There are so many things that people take for granted or just dont like or maybe have never tried. then there are the things there are just too much of and really seem stupid. i've seen so many of those do's and dont's columns in magazines and so i decided to make one of my very own.

over-rated

men (except sano, boggie, and tyler)
cell phones
dairy ice cream (it just doesn't taste the same anymore)
america's next top model (so lame)
fast food
stores like walmart, macy's, jcpenney's, etc
laptops at school
bathing suits (who honestly needs one?!)
those twisty colored pencils
emails/txt messaging/IM
instant tea
car AC
air wicks (bleh)
uggs (ugly)
crocs (ugly)
disney channel stars (ugly)
flat screens
florida


not acknowledged enough
tapes/tape players
thrift stores
harold and maude
old volvo wagons
vegan food
molcajetes
shopping carts
classical music
homegrown/homemade
pen pals (i love you majesta!)
chocolate almond or soymilk
candles
mix cds
real dictionaries (not online!)
gardens
cook's illustrated
nakedness

whoa there cowboy

what's up with the random flashbacks? thats not fair! i dont want to remember those things, i honestly don't! there should be a name for the flashbacks that are distressing. because flashbacks aren't necessarily meant to be bad! i mean the actual definition is "a past event remembered vividly," i say that's too broad and vague for the definition. maybe a flashback is something bad and remembering a memory is good...?

or maybe i'm just over thinking this.

i was thinking earlier...

i was taking my daily bath earlier today and i realized i couldn't think of anything without a purpose. i mean really, nothing. i dont know if that makes me feel sad or happy. even the lowest of the low have a purpose. when i think about stuff like that it really makes me wonder if i'll do anything important that will make me have more of a purpose than just making a baby. or if i'll do something big, something that shows my support towards something i believe in.

4th of july and other days

i was sitting on the couch with ella and mom.
i said, "with this deep scratch on my cheek and this lumpy bruise on my shin it looks like i got in some kind of scrap."
ella says (being completely serious), "well you know what? i have FIVE bug bites all over! what do you have? like 1?"
enough said.

well anyways, my californian cousins came up to WA and i've been pretty much hangin with them most of the week at the cabin. we had the most insane time! we all went skinny dipping (without chandler and the adults), swam in our underwear (well chelsea and me did), took the row boat up to the creek, checked out the hottie wakeboarders, walked around pike place market (we went to le panier!), harassed chandler (the youngest, he's almost 12), made daisy chains, watched the most bomb fireworks ever, accidently sunk the kayak and then swam it to shore, etc.

(they're all blonde except pete)
pete wells: married to shauna (the dad), he's not really a chandler, thats why chandler is named chandler (to keep the family name)
shauna: the mom (she's a chandler)
chelsea: the oldest (15) she's totally like a valley girl but she's freaking awesome and completely bad ass.
madison: she is 5'10' and like a size freaking 0, she's a stick! madi's more quiet than chelsea and she's more conservative i think.
chandler: the youngest and the only boy, what more can i say? lol. he's just a riot.

i love all of them to freaking death. i'm going to miss them terribly till the next time i see 'em.

torn

what else can i say? i'm torn into two.

it hurts me to read stuff like that. i really have heard some hearsay i didn't want to hear today. some stuff wasn't hearsay but still just as distressing.

for realzies

1.i would absolutely die if he hated me (after all, he is pretty much the star of the show in my dreams).
2.mom and i shared a pretty big glass of watered down red wine (my mom doesn't like drinking water by itself) while watching Charlie Bartlett. and i have to say, Charlie Bartlett is just as good as Harold and Maude. ESPECIALLY since it has one of my favorite songs by cat stevens in it.
3.i'm doing pretty darn well at hiding from the sun.
4.i'm officially in at insight. and i'm officially STAYING HOME FOR MY FIRST YEAR AT HIGH SCHOOL! WOOT WOOT!
wait. hold the fucking phones (quote from charlie bartlett).

am i staying at home because i'm scared of what high school is all about? am i so scared of my stomach that i dont even want to show up at school?

nah.

long time no see old friend

me:what is up homes?
you:oh nothin much
me:thats pretty cool
you:how about you?
me:nothing cool. my one good neighbor moved to arizona a couple days ago.
you:oh i'm sorry.
me:oh its fine.
you:ok
me:so thats pretty much it.
silence
you:why haven't you been on your blog?

AAAAAAAH!

i am so sick of school i could throw up.
i dont care if theres only 14 more days or whatever.
i want it to end now.

JAVIER

IS DEAD!

ahhh sexy

where's waldo?

i'm disappointed.

i used to like everything seperate from each other.


now i like it all mixed together

so i can taste all the flavors in one bite.



i wish everyone could take baths at school.

and your right mom, that really is the truth. sadly yes, that is the truth. it makes me feel sad and disappointed that they have to be that way. and they have to make me feel like shit. but thats just the way it goes.

chang smith

is my snail name.

and i officially am marrying toru, and i'm wearing that yellow kimono dress that made me look like a prostitute.

the medalias babysat me over the weekend.

it was fucking awesome.


or boss-hoggin as katie would say.

i cant wait till school's over.

what are you doing today?

five pounds of homework. you?

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

wooop

i smell like chlorine.

all i can smell is chlorine.

chlorine, chlorine, chlorine.


but guess what?

katie and i have another addition to the (now jumbo martini) glass,

javier! (an albino goldfish)


THE SNAIL SHALL LIVE!


and i finished katies present.

good day.

YES YES YES YES! MY FUTURE HUSBAND!

(the cool guy [not sniffing])

: ]

i just remembered something....



hahaha it just made me smile.

i have an infatuation over candles.

my mom keeps talking about how sweet that person is.

and i made a surprise present for katie.

(hehe)



i turned one of my moms dresses into a sleeveless dress. I RE-IMAGINED A DRESS, I FEEL LIKE A SAVED THE PLANET.


ella was just messing with my stuff AND sitting on my bed without asking.

and guess what?

she got hurt cause a drumstick fell on her face.


THATS what she gets.



KARMA.

when you see any art piece you absolutely love and that really opens your mind, you imagine the artist to be your total soul mate. mysterious, handsome, creative, dresses amazing (wears cardigans). and then you get curious and you look him up in google images just to see if your fantasies stand correct. your response to what you see: "oh."


just freaking look at mike perry.


eww, right?

yeah,

i had a booger in my nose.

and i think i have a phobia over flies.

reading IS sexy.

i got a snail today with katie.

i dont think its going to live long.

mom almost kicked my ass too.

that was scary.

i still have dirt under my nails.

and i still have "i'm gonna be (500 miles)" by the proclaimers stuck in my head.

i guess i dont mind.

now i have stupid ms. pearson's project to work on.




grrreat.

this is going to be the longest title i've ever made. i wanna see how long the title limit is. this is pretty daring. oh dang i found it. this is it..

252.

dear tyler,

i officially updated my blog.

and my mom got the song dream weaver stuck in my head.

i had a bunch of things to say on here earlier,

but i forgot all of them.

boggie and sissy

I AM SO SICK OF THEM BOTH!! I CAN NOT WAIT TILL THEY LEAVE! THEN I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH THE DOOR OPEN, WALK AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED, NEVER GET HEADACHES, ETC, AGAIN! THEY ARE BOTH TICKING ME OFF!

AND SISSY HUMPED HALEY, AND IT MADE ME WANT TO THROW UP, AND BOGGIE JUST LAUGHED! HOW CAN YOU LAUGH AT THAT?

wow.

i was skimming through my old journal (the one i had before the one i use now), and i was REALLY into that whole woe is me thing. lesley arfin is right, it really is easy to get into that. i was so pathetic, but i was so creative. in some journal entries i would have pictures to explain what i was feeling. thats pretty cool. i wonder why i dont do that anymore. but then again i do things in my journal that i haven't done before too. like paste in papers and stuff.


but wow. i sounded so emo in that old journal.

now vs. then

i can feel myself mellowing by the minute.

its creepy.


and when i stare at a blank page for too long.

my mind freezes.


people i've known for so long seem like strangers.

and i know why.


one thing happening can change your life forever.

but it doesnt feel like it-

right now.


i'll think back to what seems long ago.

and i get so thankful i changed.

im sorry im so weird

i dont know why i hate the phone, i just do. i just hate talking to people on it. i absolutely love hanging around with him, and i really hope that he isn't getting mad at me for not calling him, but i'm so scared i'm going to make a fool of myself that i dont call him. and i want to find the moments when i'll have privacy. (because i dont have a bedroom anymore)

246.

i dont feel like talking about it,
but i want it to be known.

we talked about this,
i felt like breaking down.

i felt like crying my heart out
outside in the dark night.

but i stayed strong,
i stayed strong just for her.

i made it better by
giving him a hug.

listening to yo-yo ma,
while drawing with crayons.

all together except for one,
or maybe two.

i think we'll manage ok,
we always do.

only 4 of us now,
with one more just-friend.

i want so much.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

couldn't do it.

IM'd tyler today.
wore my woodinville high school shirt.
school sucked.
i'm going to take a shower now.

i lost my phone again.

and i'm going to try not going on my my blog for a whole 2 DAYS! i wanna see if i can do it.


probably not but worth a shot.

today.

im going to invent a scream box.

i wish my last name was weird like weiner (ALLITERATION).

i had to go shopping at the mall today (HORRIBLE)

and i had to help boggie shop.

he's such a retard he doesn't even know his own size.

i just picked out stuff for him to try on and the stuff that worked he bought.

i wanted him to get some black skinny jeans (that were the EXACT same pair as mine but the men's version) but he said they were "emo" and vetoed the idea.

what i got out of it:
i learned all about men's sizes.

pff.

whatever.

green.

district dance is today. i wonder if tyler's going...

mallys point of view.

first of all, she took a shower with the door wide open. then she dried herself (door still wide open) while i was trying to use the bathroom. how could i even concentrate while her disgusting boobs are right by my face? after that she has the nerve to just walk out completely naked. honestly, have you heard of wrapping yourself up with a towel?! the part that most makes me want to vomit though, is when she leans against the doorway (still naked) of mom's room, sticks out her hip, and asks mom, "wanna piece of this?" in a low creepy voice, like she's some molester or something. IT WAS THE MOST GROSS THING I'VE EVER SEEN! and then to add salt to the wound she starts dancing around naked and her boobs were bouncing up and down! while she's hopping around and making silly noises, she's asking, "guess who i am? guess who i am? i'm ella! remember?" mom kicks her out of her room but she's laughing (i dont understand it). now that i'm permenantly scarred for life i still feel like i'm going to puke. thanks a ton missy.

and she wonders why i think she's immature!

very mysterious...

whats up with the rating thing?

majesta's blog doesn't have it,

why did i all of a sudden get it and she didn't?

uh huh.

i'm thinking,
thinking,
and thinking,
but nothing comes,
as hard as i try,
my mind sticks like glue
to one certain blank page
of my ongoing story.

i. i. i.

i dont feel like making sense right now.
i dont want to be writing on my blog.
i want to be writing in my journal.
i hate it when i get blamed, its not my fault!
i swear honestly!
i miss falling asleep to music.
i miss not feeling guilty over everything when its not my fault,
it isn't me.
i dont enjoy things like i should.
i feel like sleeping and hiding.

I FEEL LIKE WRITING.

I DONT KNOW WHY I'M ANGRY, BUT I FEEL ANGRY AT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW! I COULD JUST SCREAM!

taco party day.

happy cinco de mayo! it really is a beautiful day outside to celebrate that battle victory against the french! GO MEXICO! YAY!

truly fuzzies.

i want to get married in Hitsujiyama park.
did you see that article on yahoo home?

thoughtful.

conundrum (n): riddle
ex: That was the most delightful conundrum, tell me it once more!

*sigh*

i sometimes wonder if im totally in denial about everything. am i really who i am? how did i become this? its like everythings in a blur. i dont want to go back, but i dont want to go forward. i cant even make sense to myself. im excited about next year, but i know its bad im hiding from the world. i hope i'll keep my act together with everything. you never know.

am i predictable?

12 to 12

not at school:
sleep, sleep, sleep,
slide out of bed,
jump in the shower (before mally does),
[optional: do hair]
drink some hot tea
& eat breakfast (whatever it may be),
use the bathroom,
finish breakfast,
brush my teeth,
gather all my stuff,
walk to bus stop,
talk to majesta/wait for bus,
bus comes (haha cums),
get on, walk to back,
sit down near majesta,
talk talk talk,
school bus arrives at school.

school:
walk with abbie and majesta,
follow abbie or majesta to locker,
abbie goes with me to my locker,
i get out appropriate stuff,
find elizabeth,
find katie,
talk and waste time till bell rings,
bell rings,
go to spanish,
stay awake,
bell rings,
walk to science,
sit down in seat next to alison,
laugh at anything the whole class
[today laughed at how a pumping heart looks sexual],
bell rings,
walk to english class,
work on stupid projects,
harass clarry,
bell rings,
walk (fast) to locker,
put stuff away,
run to gym,
try my best to not make a fool out of myself,
bell rings,
finally lunch time,
walk back to locker,
go to the meeting spot [aka E building girl's bathroom]
find everyone there,
go to lunch,
eat & talk about weird stuff,
bell rings,
silent reading,
sit next to lainey ;[
avoid you know who (who used my pencil without asking, and who knows what he does with his hands so i said he could keep the pencil because i didn't want it anymore, but i felt bad i was thinking that way because i reminded myself of jenny park, but then i thought of how much he harasses me and so i didn't feel bad anymore).
REST OF DAY:
blah blah blah

im boring myself too much to finish.

odd.

i tasted peanut butter and jelly...?

fun times by myself continued on.

i ordered a free "VOTE" poster made by nikki mcclure on buyolympia.com just now.


i love free things.


and im eating corn.

wow.

i had a pretty burlesque dream last night.

frida kahlo style

wood, blankets, comfort,
racing, lime, scattered, ropas.
relieved, azul, gris, hermana
sitting, thinking, tired eyes.
anxious, worried, anxiety,
about maron. no! no! no!
dust, hair, dirt, grime, peros.
poverty, no amor, spite, hope.
eyes, nails, boards, my heart,
rojo and weary.


en everything i see you.

i cant believe it.

i saw my real life harold in a slick black 1960's VW 1500 variant. he was wearing black, and looked super cute. i cant believe i saw the man of my dreams and i'll never see him again. i only got to gape at him for tops 7 seconds, and he drove off.



i sigh when i think about it.


oh well, i'll live.

by pierre-auguste renoir

this is one of my top favorite paintings ever.

what i want to be when i grow up:

an old person.

TYLER.

yeah, we haven't really talked for a while, have we?


but i've been constantly checking my blog to see if you commented. i just recently got over that. i feel bad, because i was kind of obsessing over you. now that i think about it, im thinking, "yikes!"


sorry about that.

NEW NEWS.

I SWITCHED ROOMS WITH MOM. AND NOW I SHARE A ROOM WITH MALLY. THIS IS REALLY HARD BECAUSE I HATE DECORATIVE STUFF, AND SHE LOVES IT. NOW SHE WANTS TO HANG UP HER STUPID MARILYN MONROE PICTURE, BUT SHE HATES THE IDEA OF HANGING UP A MIRROR.


WHO DOESN'T LIKE MIRRORS, FOR GOODNESS SAKE?

tori started a story before she left (on my typewriter).

"this story is not true. It is from the mind of a 14 yearold girl... Tori Baxter.

John was walking through his hometown. Bruised and beaten and bloody. People were staring at him and the rest of the confederate soldiers who stood by him. He walked drearerly through the town, waiting to reach his home.
There it was, the pretty little blue Cape Cod house with the white shutters. With his head held high he walked up the steps to the front door. Not knowing if he should knock, or just walk in, he hoped that Sally would remember him. With a little bit of a shimpish grin he knocked on the front door, and was surprised by the picture he saw.
There standing in the open doorway was Sally. Just as beautiful as she was the day he left to fight in the raging war, but now in stead of her cute little petite body he saw a big belly. He was stunned, speechless, and couldn't comprehend what had happened. The confusion faded and he was suddenly angry, she was pregnant. But with whose baby?"

it happens a lot.

whenever im looking random things up, i always happen to come across people's blogs. and i always find the ones where someone has about 3 posts from 2 years ago. i think its totally lame when people start a blog and then just abandon it. well i say, have at least 5 posts before you do (if you leave your blog). if i ever stop having my blog, i cant even imagine how i would close it all up. knowing me, if blogspot was going to shut down or something, i would write down EVERYTHING i wrote in my journal. lol, it would probably take me HOURS, but i would do it anyways. i dont want to loose any of my trains of thought.


btw, i moved seats in scott's class today. scott sat me next to lainey (the prep). ewww.

i would rather sit next to abusive toru.

haha random.

you'll never guess where i am.

joe, my husband.

chimos forever, me & k!

isaac

is my crack sorbet. dont ask me what that means, because i have no clue myself. i had a dream about it though. i had a dream i was eating crack sorbet and isaac was with me and i said, "isaac, you are my crack sorbet."

weird, huh?


plus mom and me gave diva a bath today. she looks pretty hilarious when she's wet.

and yesterday i "worked out". i walked on the treadmil with my mom's highest high heels. phew! i respect those who wear stilletos everyday to work! i got the idea from that mariah carey commerical on mtv, and i wanted to try it. mom got mad at me afterwards, i quote, "missy! you're going to break the treadmil!" next time i do it, i'll make sure not to tell her i did again...
i bet it would be funny to catch me doing it, because i must look like a retard.

OD! OD!

WARNING: OVER DOSE ON NUTELLA! MAY THROW UP! MAY THROW UP!


gosh i feel so sick! why do i do this to myself? but ohmygod! 5TH PERIOD WAS SO MUCH FREAKING FUN! LOL! i screwed off with stuart, cody, isaac, and clarry the WHOLE TIME! (cause there was a sub [the one who has vagina lips]) i wouldn't have got my name written down if CODY didn't lie and say i broke his pencil. lol stupid cody. now mr. scott is gonna get all pissy faced with me on monday. BUT WHO CARES, BECAUSE I HAD SO MUCH FUN!

funny highlight: stuart and isaac tried putting my bobby pins in their hair! lol! it was hilarious!

tori

emailed me back.


i feel bad cause she says utah sucks.

GO TO:

poop.com


pee.com


bitch.com


hornydog.com


bitchplease.com


holdmypenis.com


gilf.com


marissa.com

NEVER GO TO MILF.COM!!!! MOST DISGUSTING SITE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!


(i dont actually watch any of this, i find porn sites for fun)

dumb.

dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb.

i can be angry if i want.

I HATE SCHOOL.

this is so bizzare, isaac is sticking up for me! does that make any sense at all? he's REALLY confusing me now. i didn't really think of anything when he waved to me during class, but now he's sticking up for me? now im suspicious. extremely suspicious.

i really like running off to parkwood and sitting in one of those benches and reflecting on my thoughts. but when im super pissed and angry at the world i want to be the only person in the playground. i dont like listening to little kids screaming and crying on the playground. i want to be all alone but i want someone to find me and just sit there and stare into nothing with me. EXCEPT PATRICK.


WHY WONT HE LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE??? and his sister just ignores him! I WANT SOMEBODY TO KILL HIM! no, i dont really want him to die, but i do want somebody to tell him off.


BECAUSE HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!


stupid patrick doyle.

blisters.

i dont feel like talking about it right now.

fucking shit.

my dad believed me when i told him i was pregnant and how im getting married when i'm 16, but im a lesbian too. HE BELIEVED THAT! AND IM NOT EVEN JOKING! mally told me he was talking to lorrie about "something about missy" DIRECT QUOTE! IS HE FUCKING BLIND? DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE IM FUCKING KNOCKED UP? a lesbian i can understand believing.


i am now debating if i should go along with it till he finds out himself. to experience the whole awkward lesbian talk and pregnant talk with his family.


thats going to be something special.

please save me from babysitting them!

im watching one of those old school star wars movies. its pretty intense (even if the creatures are incredibly fake looking, and i have no idea what's going on). boggie, austin (his hottie friend), and grandpa are coming back from florida tonight. mammy's getting ready to pick them up right now. mally and ella are making fun of me right now. lately its been REALLY bad, and whenever i get really upset my heart BPM goes up. i notice that, and then thats when i retaliate and get pissed at them. i think i forgot how to ignore them. or its like how the anti-biotics dont work anymore. If you dont use the antibiotics properly or long enough the bacteria wont all completely die and the strongest out of the bunch live and then reproduce. once the bacteria reproduce they're stronger and they resist completely against the antibiotics. mally and ella are like the bacteria who resist and learn from me ignoring them, so they now know what will make me irritated. follow? im really bad at explaining whats in my head, but thats basically how i think of it. i think of mally and ella as tiny little bacteria in my throat giving me strep.
anyways.
i hate how the teachers try and cram everything for the week right before wasl and then give us nothing during the testing. i would much rather have everything layed out evenly and have a tad bit of homework during the wasl days. elizabeth and i were just talking about that before gym today. i really want to go over to her house and watch sweeney todd, i'll have to go over the weekend. i wish i was like my cat. she ALWAYS smells good. its like her fur is naturally deodorised. that reminds me, today i left my gym clothes and shoes at home, so gym ended up being even more awkward than usual, and then we played team hand ball. (gosh i hate that game). i was goalie one game and there's this guy named dylan, and omigod he's like on freaking steroids, and he could be a professional hand ball player. so he's throwing the ball at 20 hundred miles per hour and im cringing every time the ball hits the goal. i bet it was pathetic to watch but oh well. afterwards edgar was like, "haha you could be a model for whenever the ball is about to hit you!" and then he starts grabbing his head like he's a model and is screaming like a girl, imitating me. i laughed, because it was pretty funny. i didn't realize what i was doing when i was hiding my face from the ball. i dont feel too bad about sucking at that game, because most of the girls do. i do better at dodgeball, and thats actually fun. i like to get in front really close to the middle line and just stand there without a ball in my hands and see how long it will take for someone to actually throw a ball at me. i have so much homework to do because i didn't finish all of mine last night (i went out shopping instead), but i got a dress!

sometimes,

i like to pretend im joel mchale.

and watch random tv shows,

then make fun of the crazy stuff people do.

haha funny

go to http://www.penisland.net/,


not http://www.penisland.com/!

im cold now.

today was fun.


i think im socially awkward though.


but thats ok.



its just theres so much stuff i want to talk to him about, but when im actually with him, i think of nothing. and then i get pissed off with myself afterwards. and i was surprised how nervous i was about seeing him after SO long. lol and it was so weird when we tried to hug goodbye! it felt so out of place! and also the guy at the barne's & noble starbucks gave tyler two forks for his cupcake! i had a little bit, but it wasn't that great of a cupcake. (no offence tyler) i love the vegan chai ones from central market! those ones kick ass!




oh shit i have homework to do. ;[

april 11.

im listening to the steve miller band and bright eyes
girl in a coma too.

diva's laying down next to me.

im txting tyler right now on my phone.

i have to pee but i dont wanna get up,

my stomach hurts from being overfilled with nutella.

i feel like a fat ass.

but i can run more freely now.

i went to majesta's today

i went in her jacuzzi (is that how you spell it?)

its so warm in there!

and majesta's 3 year old sister mya joined us.

she is so darn cute!

therefore today was pretty darn good.

even if i stuffed my face with pizza.

im going to be so sick tomorrow.

another thing to say.

i think i want to be celibate when i grow up. just like morissey.

today.

i can feel the weight holding me down when i run. its almost pathetic, but not quite. im still the "lesbian" at school. although toru's not calling me fat anymore. dumb asses. max still loves me. lol. aldin's still an ass. so is isaac. joonbo's nicer now. i was partner's with patrick today in badmitton (how the hell do you spell that?) he kept asking me so i just said yes. god i hate patrick. why cant he stop touching me? and it doesn't even matter if i yell at him or tell on him. he's so socialy awkward (even more than me) that he cant even get a clue (even if it fell from the sky, slapped him in the face, called him an idiot, and then shot up into his butt). today was ok though. i felt quiet. i talked to daniel on yahoo email messenger thing. lol gosh i had no clue how horny he was. he's pretty funny i like him. i honestly think i dont look like a lesbian. stupid cody. oh and did i tell you dylan (pothead) let me french braid his hair on the bus! he was complaining the whole time, but he sat really still for me (so i know he enjoyed it) haha! i love dylan. he's awesome. and i feel really bad because i've been neglecting my journal. ;[ i'll have to write in it soon.

also mr. scott and i are TIGHT now

i need to run.

i haven't for so long. i never run anymore. i used to run 2 or 3 times a week. and i was fit. i can feel myself get fatter and fatter daily. and it sucks.


people think im super insecure now because i was talking about how toru called me fat and then i was like i want to run. blah blah blah.


everyone's insecure.


but yeah, point is, i felt like a fat-ass already. so it wasn't like it was toru's fault.


although he IS still a jackass.

yahoo horoscopes.

the aries yahoo horoscopes are becoming more and more inaccurate each day.


hmmm.

how?

tori really is gone.


and to be honest, its not that bad.


how is that even possible?

too true.

i'm glad i never get what i want. cause if i did, i would be overwhelmed with all the stuff i had.

trip pic in morn

katie and i were so spent. and i was totally not wearing a bra. (eww)

my trip.

the DC trip was WAY better than i thought it would be. and there was so much more flirting with boys than i thought i would even do. katie and i were total screw-offs the whole trip (it was freaking awesome). we even bought a leopard print thong at victoria's secret to give to the guys we were hanging out with! alas, one of the chaparones found it and took it away. (pity, i know.) i'll tell you all the guys we messed around with:
aldin
isaac
toru
william
joonbo
max
dennis


aldin, isaac, toru, and max are my favorites, although i kissed william. i have a crush on aldin. he's so freaking hot. aldin is total bang material, and has the nicest butt you've ever seen. as katie would say, "on a scale from 1 to 10 aldin's butt is a 12!" and its totally true. too bad he's a total dick. i let him lay inbetween my legs. but he called me a lesbian.

tyler called me while i was on the trip and i was talking to him for the first time in a long time. i love him. i think for the 8th grade graduation dance thing im going to invite him to be my date (if im allowed at einstein). i dont care if he'll have a girlfriend then. thats my plan and im going to stick to it for now. (even if he has no clue about it)

i got a haircut before the trip, its a pixie. its super short, the shortest its ever been. thats why everyone thinks im a lesbian now. oh well. i know im not, so thats all that matters.

conclusion:
the trip was fucking awesome. im sad its over.

chaotic lately

somethings up.


besides mammy leaving grandpa
and renting her own house,

besides me leaving for new york on monday
and being stressed out,

something is definitely up.


i know because mom's upset.
quote, "im not alright." unquote

she's talking to mammy right now
in the laundry room.

she sent us to our rooms so we wouldn't
hear ANYTHING.

thats how i know its something big.

my party.

it was a lot of fun. i just want the people to leave as soon as possible in the morning. im not mean, its just enough is enough, right?

end of trimester.

im so worried about my grades. im terrified. truly terrified. its all because i know that i haven't given my all.


and im a slacker.

again.

i deleted my myspace.

he doesn't listen.

can he hear me? is that the problem or something? do i have an invisible voice? i think he's just dumb in the head. even if he knows i dont love him, he still has to love me. he doesn't have the right to not love me. he just doesn't. and he knows it too. he's bought lorrie a ring too. the wedding will be on the 4th or 8th of august. that week is going to be hectic already with mom's birthday being on the 7th. i dont want to go to his wedding. i could be doing nothing instead (and be happy). but no, i HAVE to go to his stupid wedding. and anyone whould not want to go to his house. its boring as HELL. but since i always back-out he claims michael and amanda think that i dont like them. who fucking cares? its not like i talk to them when im there. i just dont matter or am of any importance there. and i honostly dont want to be either. i dont want to be part of their family. period. everytime i talk to tim i feel like bursting into tears. he exausts my soul and my mind. i cant even talk to him at all because he exausts me THAT much. i might say things that are a bit too presumptuous, or have rebelious antics. but i really am a good person. i prove it if you watch me closely. and people think that i give dirty looks or stare at them. but its really just me not smiling or when i stare, its me soaking up the moment or that persons face into my brain. i want to remember everything and i want to remember people's faces. god i feel sick to my stomach right now. everything i eat is making me feel sick. i dont know why tambíen. im getting better at spanish though. oh shoot. i still have homework. i hate homework, its that it takes a long time or is exceedingly hard, it just means that i have to do something. i dont love doing nothing, im just so addicted. i want to stop being lazy, but its like trying to cease smoking after 20 years. it takes willpower which i just dont have. i think its a hereditary trait. or maybe you earn it? i really dont know. my birthday party WILL be fun. watch me.

my birthday.

i dont want any presents at all. i dont want anyone to give me anything. i just dont want them. i want to give the presents. and thats what im going to do for my birthday. im going to give all my friends and family presents. im not sure what im actually going to do for my birthday party. i was thinking about going to whole foods then going to the movies and then have a sleepover. that'll be fun. i love whole foods. mom thinks i should have my party at the hyatt since tim can get a free stay there. i dont think that will ever happen, because dad promised he would do that like two years ago and he didnt. i dont really care if i go though too. so it makes everything alright. i just want to be happy on my birthday.

oh and i saw the most beautiful rainbow the other day.
(i dont remember if i already posted about it)

i dropped a peach pit.

i deleted my picture blog.

diva is the most amazing cat in the world.

i finally popped my GIGANTIC zit on my chin. and its not that bad right now. not as bad as i thought it would be. straaaaange.... anyways, you know who is driving me INSANE with confusion. and i haven't seen my dad for a month. AND i cant sleep. AND i didn't get to do my homework because i was at katie's house making soup for church!

why would anyone post this? are they dumb?

"Did you know that every night before you go to sleep there is one person of the opposite sex thinking of you. They want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they are always thinking about you, and this is all true and not fake. If you repost this in 5 minutes the person that is longing to be with you will approach you within one month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you. But if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you out again for 5 years!!"


... what a bunch of bull shit.

finally!

im getting a drumset in a few weeks! in time for my birthday! ;D

im just easy that way.

guys loose interest with me eventually.

you know that movie saved?

i dont know why i feel the way i do.
im dreading its because my crush is growing stronger. i cant let that happen. why do i have crushes on the least compatible people? is it because they're the least like my dad? i think it is.


shit.

why me? because i ask for it.

confusion is overwhelming.

thank god for avoidance.

dedicated to majesta

WHERE HAVE YOU GONE? YOU HAVEN'T UPDATED YOUR BLOG SINCE NOVEMBER!!! YOU'VE LEFT ME ALL ALONE!!

in too deep

i need to wake up fast.

why do i want him?

he smokes fucking pot.

he doesn't care about me.

why do i him?

i need to get out of here.

meet new people.

im longing for a new place,

new surroundings,

new faces.

im feeling trapped.

how does that work?

i dont understand how/why callum is dating megan. who in their right mind would want to date megan? she's such a complete poop head. well not to her friends, but she doesn't let anyone else try and be her friend. she acts like im the scum of the earth, and she cant bear to live on the same planet with me. and callum is this mostly quiet, sensitive, calm, cute, boy, who's totally not her. (and yes i know this is none of my business, but i cant help but notice!!!)
those of you who are megan's friend might be thinking, "you're just jealous of her", but to be completely honest, i seriously am NOT. Yeah, she's really smart, but im smart too (in ways), and she acts like she knows everything in the whole world. and she looks like she's a 6th grader, so im not jealous of her looks. she doesn't have fashion sense that i like, so im not jealous of that. i dont have a crush on callum, so im not jealous in that way. and im not jealous of her friends either. and trust me, i've tried super hard thinking of the reasons why i dislike her so much, and i've concluded why.

she's a bitch.

you're wrong.

what i want does not require charm.

im pretty much a psycho

i dont really like hanging around with her, or even talking to her. but she's so darn cute, you cant help but want to be her friend.

i think of her as my little adopted asian sister.

i wish i thought it over more.

because back-up plans really are an essential, and i didn't even make one. i instantly thought they would just accept me and my life would work out perfectly, you know? but it didn't work out that way and i got rejected. now what am i going to do? i have no clue whatsoever what school i want to go to now. all i know is i cant go to woodinville high school, and i am NOT going to shorewood or shorecrest, no matter what my friends say. i just dont want to go. i like branching out, and its easier to go to school and concentrate when you're a loner. its just easier.

in the middle of 6th period

i suddenly realized im surrounded by ass holes.

written by elizabeth chandler

the princess jack - revised a little bit by marissa chandler

once there was a princess named jack. she loved her life until a chicken came. the chicken said, "you are weird and i wish i never layed eyes on you." when she heard that, the chicken went inside and the kingdom kicked jack out. Jack kbecame a queen at her own new palace and everybody loved her and not the other palace she came from. Jack met a man she loved him but he didn't like her. The man broke her heart so her heart started beeping. then she climbed a ladder and fell down it. she broke her arm. then she saw an earthquake and jumped in and fell down and got very sick. then when she was better she met a man named owen and fell in love and got married. one night she saw a boy in a tree so she yelled, "help the boy is scary". one day a green purple house was in the middle of the road so she went in it and some girls said, "yah yah princess jack is here." a chinese girl said, "i like her she nie she nie she good." then a big boy said i like that chinese girl so dont make fun of her. jack said, "i wont, but can i laugh at her?" the big boy said if it really is funny. then there was a man with a pan and he made stinky eggs. and so the princess went in the bathroom and saw penguins in the bathtub. then the penguins stinked the bathroom up so she went in the egg man's room and started crying. because she liked crying.

THE END.

flashback

background: me and kate sitting in bus seat 5 infront of michael on the way home from school.

kate: (turns around) what the fuck are you doing michael?
michael: (laughing) what?
me: (smiling while turning my body to face them) what happened?
kate: he was just smelling you!
michael: (laughing)
kate: (smiling) freak!
me: (embarrased/shocked & laughing out loud) oh michael...

stupid valentine's day.

comfort me.

hold me.

im feeling sad.

feels good.

i've finally started my autobiography. hopefully i'll finish it.

& he's confusing me. really confusing me. i wish he was more clear.

valentine's day

is a total drag.

& im at my dad's house too.

& i DO NOT like dylan spurr!

double ;[

i feel hope, pride, and loneliness

guess who kept the note i wrote them on their youtube channel? BLACKSTONE! i always miss that little bitch. i really did love him. oh well, if you want to see for yourself, the proof is here: http://www.youtube.com/user/blackstone012. he'll never know how helpless/sick/happy/rejoiceful/frustrated/drained/hopeful he makes me feel.

where to start?

1. my family

2. my ability to be quiet

3. a sturdy enough house

4. Diva & Grace

5. my friends

6. running water

7. money to buy food

8. firefighters

9. kind and helpful doctors/nurses

10. my heart

it doesn't feel like friday.

the title always ruins the poem and makes you think its about something totally different than what it really is. People expect the title to explain the poem, but i hate titles and so they're usually random (the ones i make). But then again i hate it when poems are called "untitled" because that ruins it also. I'll just stick to what i do. (its easier.)

btw katie came over today and we played lego star wars on ps2. now mally's hogging it (but she's playing sims).

is it true what they say?

imprisoned in a box,
i cant find my way out,
looking for someone,
presumptuous enough

enough for me,
to be who i want,
tenacious, and clashing
against society,

thoughts race
inside my confused head,
not wanting,
but patiently waiting...

street 162

chocolate chips,
& salty tears,
running away,
like i knew you
would, dear,

lake michigan,
playing on my stereo,
calms me up,
when i know
this is down,

picking at scabs,
re-reading books,
to make eye-contact
with my walls,
is what i do

to get over you.

shoes

are prisons for feet.


and i have blood on my nose.

caught in a train

why do i have to be this way?

i'm starting to like dylan just because im getting that feeling i want to help him, you know? i wish i could save him. i want to. but i know deep inside that i cant. it makes me feel sad that i could help him but its not my place to so i would never try. i even wish he would just notice me and i would be more than "white and nerdy" to him [for thats what he calls me]. It does seem that he does try occasionally in his school work, but then again he actually snorted coke on the bus for the first time this week. Im not sure if that means he's getting worse. i do believe he is a good person beyond the "trying to be cool" or whatever he would call it. I always seem to think that i "like" people but it turns out i just want to be part of their life, i want them. and then my feelings will pass as if they were some front traveling to a new area. i dont know what to make of what i feel anymore. my dreams aren't exactly helping. i dont dream of dylan anymore, but lately i have dreamt of david ball. odd i know, but thats not even covering it. i had a dream that i was in this star wars like background and he and i along with others were in this boot camp preparing us for the war. It was just so bizarre and then we started having an affair. i dont like david in that way at all. i just have these dreams that are so missleading. david is kinda nice, he's mostly just funny and immature. he's not nice to me, but i know he's nice to amber. it seems everyone is nice to amber, she's so easy to get along with, and if she's not to someone, they know not to mess. ok, i think i've finally talked myself to reality about dylan. but still, he makes me wonder, i want to know whats real and whats not about him. you know how in movies the dorks/nerds are always super cute but just are classified as nerds? i hate that. well i dont HATE it, i just feel disappointed. why do i feel disappointed? maybe because i wish that nerds really like that, that they were super cute, extremely smart [at genius level], and nice to me, but weren't too nice. i loose interest with too nice it seems. like cole. i lost interest, because i felt frustrated. but i had no clue to tell him because it wasn't anything he could control, and if he tried to control it, then it just wouldn't be him and then it just wouldn't be the same. no, it most definitely wouldn't. im caught in a train of thought. this train of thought is taking me where ever it wants to go. but not always necessarily where I want to go. at least i know why its controling me. because i dont know where i want to go with anything. i'll think of what i COULD act like and what i COULD wear and what i COULD be but i never know what i want. if someone asked me, what do you want? my brain would freeze and i would instantly think of what i preferred i had at the moment. but thats not the same! its not the same at all! wanting is more of a passionate thing than just preferring you had something at the time. i wish there were different words for different wants. although it would still be miss-used anyhow. at least those who REALY thought about it everytime they talked would be accurate. i know that even if i made up the words and differen't levels of wants i wouldn't even use it accurately. because when you really prefer you had something at a now point of time you dont think of anything besides what you want. example: if my stomach was growling during english class because i was hungry i would only think of my embarrasment and therefore i would think that i was wanting something to eat, but really i was just preferring i was able to eat in class and that i had food available with me. i never really thought about it before but i think im right. i dont think im wasting my time when i blog and just write about whatever. some people think that i do but i know i dont. because i dont need a topic or a prompt to just write, is that another reason why i hate ms. pearson's class? it could be. there are so many reasons i dont think i should even think about that right now. i dont want negative energy bothering my freewriting. freewriting ahhhh a beautiful word, it just sounds so relaxing and well, just so free. that reminds me, i wrote a lot more poems yesterday when i didn't feel well. i hadn't wrote a poem in a long time but they just seemed to come to me. poems are also very relaxing, but only at the right moment i think. oh shoot, my hands are getting tired from typing and its 4:02! i have to do my homework! i honestly dont want to start my homework since its friday, but just because its friday doesn't mean its any special day for me so i guess its fitting to finish my assigned homework. last friday i was so focused i got all my homework done, did laundry, made a TON of cookies, cleaned the kitchen, and picked up around the house. thats what i call having no life but being focused at the same time and not having anything to do with yourself because you dont feel like doing anything and you feel incomplete with yourself but mom says its just because you dont do anything sports wise and you know she's right but you still feel the same and you also are so non social so thats part of your problem too.

clothes

it would be so badass if i made my own clothes. yesterday i sewed a bag using a pattern from burdastyle.com, and now im working on making a skirt (with another pattern from burdastyle.com) its most likely going to turn out like crap, but im gonna wear it anyways!!! because im so badass!



haha im just kidding.


i couldn't be badass if i drank 10 beers in less than an hour.

i was just wondering...

i think that guy from the trojan commercial is hot. does that make me slutty?

i guess

i guess im the type of person who would want "presumptuous cranberries" to be the name of my band. just becuase i love the word presumptuous and i love cranberry juice.

by the way i finished A Wind In The Door by Madeliene L'Engle (or whatever her name is) and that book really really made me think. all of L'Engle's books make me think. you should read that book. just because i said it made me think.

i deleted my myspace a long time ago, now i have all this free time on my hands. its kind of a weird feeling having time to do things, so i've been cleaning constantly, which is so not like me. mom and sano dont know whats gotten into me. (and yes i know "gotten" isn't a word, oh well) i guess i was just doing it because i could.

just because.

when will it end?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! STILL SICK AND SO FUCKING BORED!!!!

still

sick.

pain.

depression.

MICHAEL.

are you upset with me?


and if so, why?

sick

cough, headache, period, homework, blah.

actually,

i attempted at putting advertisements up.

i added

some advertisements for the fun of it ;].

fuck [i think im pms'ing]

everything i do is wrong wrong wrong.


i miss nathan jarvis.
i miss not disappointing everyone.
i miss hiding,
i miss being alone.
i miss missing.


i forgot what it felt like to be so miserable.
mom and mally are sick, so the house is chaos chaos chaos.

what do i miss? do i miss nothing? do i forget?



what do i even want?

all i know is what i dont.



1 good thing today:
katie made a new nickname for me: piss face lol, she has no clue how much that made my day ; )

ahhhhhh

my mom pretty much thinks she's been reborn,

so im into an ass load of trouble.


and i miss talking to nathan & dylan on myspace, and giving people photo comments.

;[

shit

my laptop's currently running out of battery [8 minutes left]

i dont want to go to school for oh so many reasons, but i know i have to.

im pretty much on top of things, except for one science paper i forgot at school [im such a dumbass].

no more myspace since yesterday.

more blogger [except not too much].

michael cera

really is the hottest man alive.

i can foresee the future.

the jocks walk by you in the halls,
they dont care about anything else but themselves.

adrenaline shoots through your body as you start to tremble,
the cliques and nervousness is nausiating.

all you want is to go back to safety,
in your room writing while listening to your favorite songs.

DING DING the bell rings its time for class and you're late,
dread creeps through your body as you walk into a silent classroom,

all eyes are on you,

a few giggle at the blushing face you now wear.

humilliation always seems to find you,

after all,

this is high school.

i deleted it from my list of addictions.

im so fucking angry with myself.

how could i let it come to this?
how could i do this to myself?

ruining my life, ruining my chances in life.

i get addicted too easily.

now my grades have lowered from my lack of attention to them.

especially science, the class i cared most for. and now im in a critical situation. i could be kicked out of AP science. this is serious, so deadly serious. i would absolutely DIE if i had to go to standard 8th grade science.

i haven't felt sick like this for so long.



i feel like im going to throw up.




lord help me.



I, marissa chandler, will from now on, do my very best in school, i will not be distracted from anything [unless i have an excuse], and i absolutely will NOT have a boyfriend. period.



the end.

long ago

when i was little


i saw angels.

i wonder

who is victim?



-marissa

fuck [i sound like nathan]

i dont know why so dont ask me.


i'm single.


hate having a boyfriend.


i think pothead likes me.


i would never date him.


my stomach hurts from feeling sorry for callum.

i should not have said anything.

at all.


then i hit katie in the arm [joking around]


but she was upset.


i have to be careful.


even if i dont mean to be a bitch.


i want to be an artist.


paint in free will.

i like the number 8.


i wish i could just say everything on my mind all the time.


goodnight, goodnight.

happy new year everyone!

sorry i haven't posted for FOREVER! i've been really bad about that. i haven't even had time to write in my journal! the holidays are so freaking chaotic! so stressful too!


i haven't had one whole day to spend in peace. everything has been rush rush rush!


anyways happy new year to all! ;]